A journey into Parenthood & dealing with loss

Posts tagged ‘Dr P’

Another miscarriage…

I found out I was pregnant just before my son’s first birthday party. Since all the family were going to be around, we told them a few days after the party. Everyone was thrilled as they know I want a big family. Once again my parents were sad that they were going to be in another country for the pregnancy, but were super excited about another baby. They had really enjoyed their 3 week visit with Kyle for his first birthday.

I went for my first scan early (6w5d) as my doctor knows my history and wanted to check that everything was ok. We even saw a heart flutter, which made me feel really positive. The baby measured 6w4d according to the scan, which was exactly what I was expecting, since I knew the date of conception because of my app. He scheduled me for another scan at 10 weeks, as then we would be able to see more etc. But things were positive.

As with my previous pregnancies he put me on Ecotrin (a mild aspirin) and folic acid. This time he also put me on Utrogestan (a progesterone supplement). I had had my HcG and Progesterone levels tested, so assumed it had to do with that, although I didn’t get the actual figure from him.

In the 3 weeks between my first scan and second, I had major nausea, tender breasts and all the usual signs of a good pregnancy. This led me to feel comfortable in this pregnancy. It allowed me to tell people, and start looking at buying things for the new baby. I was comparing this pregnancy to Kyle’s and how different the foods were that made me feel better. Although the nausea had subsided a bit the week before I went for my follow up scan, I thought it was maybe due to the chiropractic session I had had on the Monday after a weekend away camping for my birthday.

On Friday I went through for my appointment and knew almost immediately that something was wrong when he started the ultrasound. He was struggling to find the baby. And there was absolutely no movement. I felt my throat clamp shut almost immediately. The more he scanned and moved the device around, the more I realised something was wrong. Baby only measured 8w1d, and there was clearly no heart beat. I know it’s his responsibility but he then proceeded to explain what he was looking at, and showing me the different tissue density and how clearly the baby’s heart had stopped beating. He then double checked with the colour blood flow monitor and the sonar. The more he checked the more I could feel the tears welling up in me, until I couldn’t contain them anymore. At that moment I really wished that I hadn’t gone to the appointment alone.

I was scheduled for a D&C for Monday. But before I could escape the public eye I had to pay for my appointment, in a waiting room full of pregnant woman and then get the meds for Monday from the hospital pharmacy. I managed to pull myself together enough to get through that. When I got to my car I just sobbed. I sat in my car and sobbed for a good half an hour. And then I realised I needed to pull myself together enough to drive the 40 minutes home. Alone.

The weekend was tough! Everyone was checking in, giving advice, sharing their stories. I spent hours lying awake thinking about what i would post on this blog, amongst other things. I feel bad that my first post back on this blog is a depressing one, but it is what it is.

Monday morning we had to be at the hospital at 0530. I inserted the tablets to soften my cervix before I left home and proceeded to get more and more cramps as the morning wore on. I was finally taken to theatre at 0950. It was good to have hubby there for support, and my best friend popped in to hang out with me too. So at least I wasn’t alone for all the waiting. Dr P saw me after the procedure and said it went well and they got a good sample of tissue to send for genetic testing. I’m really hoping that something from the testing will maybe give us some guidance as to why this keeps happening to us.

I’ll post again when we get the test results and maybe share a bit more about what my emotions are doing. I’m still struggling to figure out what I’m feeling. I do know that this one has been the worst. Having seen the heart flutter first, and then seeing that I’m carrying a dead baby inside me was just so heart breaking. I can’t believe that my body could let me down again ūüė¶

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The BSquirt has arrived!

Kyle Connor Johnson

Minutes after birth

Minutes after birth

was born at 13h50 on Wednesday, 28 May 2014 at Life Westville Hospital in Durban, South Africa. He came into the world via natural delivery after a relatively short labour at 40 weeks and 2 days.

I began counting contractions around 19h00 on Tuesday evening. They were fairly regular, but quite far apart and not very intense. Since I’d thought labour had started on Sunday night, I was not going to count my chickens before they hatched. I eventually decided to go to sleep around midnight. At 02h30 I was woken up by a rather painful contraction. I once again started recording them and they were closer together and firmer, but still a little erratic. At about 04h30 I woke hubby to let him know we were getting closer. He remained very calm and began getting everything together and into the car.

We both showered and at about 05h45 I was in the middle of getting dressed and had a leak of fluid. Now we knew it was time to head to the hospital. We left home just after 06h00. Here is the last photo of me pregnant:

Leaving for the hospital

Leaving for the hospital

We arrived at the hospital and I went straight to the labour ward. I was admitted and put on monitoring. I arrived a few minutes before the shifts changed, so we waited for the day staff to do most things. I was assessed and was at 3cm dilated, baby’s heart rate and contractions were regular and everything was as it should be. After the assessment was done we were moved to our labour room. I was the only mother in the ward the whole morning. All other deliveries that day were Caesarean Section.

We were made comfortable and then left to our own devices pretty much. My sister arrived around 08h00 to check in on us, and remained at the hospital for the rest of the morning, sending updates to all the family and friends. My parents had already started their journey from Swan River, MB, Canada to Durban, so they were getting updates as and when they could get wifi in airports.

Dr P arrived just before 08h00 and assessed me and I was now at 5cm and he was happy with how everything was going. I continued to to labour for a few hours without any intervention, but eventually asked for the entonox gas. Although that made me slightly woosy, it wore off quickly and definitely too the edge off. Dr P checked me once more when I was 9cm and said it would be in the next 2-3 hours. The last few hours are all a bit of a blur!

Once Dr P was happy for me to push, I managed to push Kyle out in 4 or 5 contractions. I avoided an episiotomy and only had a grade 1 internal tear. I got over and hour skin-on-skin time with Kyle in the delivery room and then he was taken with B to the nursery for his check ups and first bath. Dad finally got to hold him – I hadn’t even realised that I was hogging him the whole time in the labour ward.

IMG_2018

B was the most amazing partner during labour and I am so impressed with him. He was there for the me the whole time, making sure I was as comfortable as possible. He was a great distraction when I needed him to be too. He was totally all I could have asked for. The nursing staff were exceptional too and I am very impressed with my time in the labour ward,  the maternity ward is another story, for another day!

I was so thrilled to have had nearly everything from my birth plan stuck to. As Dr P said, my labour and birth were not just text book – I rewrote the text book. I was even told I’d get a gold star on the day I was discharged.

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Kyle is doing well and we are loving having this beautiful little boy in our lives!

The poser even at 2 days old!

The poser even at 2 days old!

 

Everything is ok….

… I’m just really sucky at keeping my blog updated!

I am 32 weeks today and can’t believe that I only have 8 weeks-ish left until we meet the BSquirt.

I can’t remember when last I posted, and I’m on my phone so it’s complicated to check. I think it was before our 4D scan. That was truly awesome. My sister came with to the appointment and she mentioned a week later that it had made her broody. That from my sister who in her 30 years has always been adamant that she did not want children!

Two weekends ago we had our maternity photo shoot with a photographer that I really like. We got some really lovely shots and he is putting together a photo book for us too.

We have pretty much finished the nursery – we just need to put up the ceiling light and put the skirting boards in, but we’ve decided to pay someone for that.

My next appointment with Dr P is on 9 April, when we will have a detailed scan again. So we are looking forward to that. It was pretty cool to see that baby has hair on the last scan.

I will try and update the gallery soon with some pics, as hopefully I will have a calmer time at work from now on.

I usually work part time (about 25 hours a week) and help out a colleague who runs our big client’s concierge desk with extra tasks. Part of my job though is to cover her when she needs leave. Well 3 weeks ago her Dad suddenly took ill and she needed to take leave rather suddenly. I immediately jumped in to take over running the desk, and was expecting to be there for 4 days. 4 days turned into me working full time for 3 weeks! I was shattered! I’m not used to working full time right now at all, to be doing it 30 weeks pregnant has been a little insane. Thank heavens for my chiro or I would be in even more pain.

One benefit of this though is that our big client happens to be the company that B works for, so I have seen him during the day almost every day for the last 3 weeks. We had lunch at least twice a week together which was really nice too. I will miss that aspect.

So here’s to hopefully a quieter week, with a Chiro appointment and maybe even a spa appointment slotted in this week. And time to catch up on my blog posts as well as catching up on what everyone I follow has been up to.

Here is one of my fav shots from our maternity shoot:

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Week 24 – 26 Update

I’ve realised why I’m not so good at remembering to post on my blog. Well I remember that I should, but never get around to it. There are two reasons – firstly I don’t feel that doing it on my phone or iPad gives me enough control in editing, and so I keep putting it off. Secondly the computer room at home is one of the hottest in the house, so I try not to spend too much time in there. Given that today is the 5th day in a row of highs around 32C, and this whole month has been highs above 28C, this room is decidedly uncomfortable. Our AC at work wasn’t working so I am at home earlier than normal (I just couldn’t stand to be there anymore), so I thought I must just buckle down and get writing. There are so many updates.

Baby is more than 960g. This whole fruit thing is way too confusing.

How far along are you? I am 26 weeks and 4 days. 94 days to go. This is the last week of the 2nd Trimester already!!

What’s happening with the baby? We had our 24 week appointment last week (a week late). Baby is measuring ahead of the average, and the sonographer said that baby was growing well. Dr P made a note to look out for a big baby. Baby is very active and we have nicknamed BSquirt the little dancer.

What’s happening with my body?¬†I am getting bigger, and strangers are no longer unsure if I am pregnant or not. My skin across my belly is starting to feel tight, but my belly button is still an innie, and my butterfly tattoo is still recognisable. I have had some pain in my pubic bone area, but other than that, I’ve been feeling pretty good. I tire very quickly – especially when going up stairs. I did my first preggy yoga class and loved it, although I was shattered after the class. I will be continuing with the classes. I still don’t feel like my boobs have gotten any bigger. A lot of people have said that I look like I’ve lost weight everywhere else, which is good I guess. I have only put on just under 4kg the whole pregnancy so far.

Moments since the last post? We have painted the nursery finished. We are very happy with the outcome, although it was a lot of very hot, tiring work, it will be good to know that we put the effort in and did the work. Here are our pictures documenting all the work.

Miss anything?¬†I’m not really missing anything. I’m still not sleeping well and I know that’s just going to continue, so I’ve stopped missing that.

Movement?¬†Loving this little dancer! Lots and lots of movement. The most annoying habit is that baba loves to bounce on my cervix, particularly when I’m in a meeting or something like that. I feel lots of movement often during the day.

Any weird Food issues? Still loving frozen grapes and all kinds of fruit. The heat makes me very anti cooking which has not been great for our budget.

Gender?¬†We still aren’t finding out, but it’s getting harder with each visit. I had a dream in these last couple weeks where I introduced the baby with my girl’s name, so now I really don’t know. We still mostly refer to baby has a “he”, but we would be perfectly happy with either gender.

Looking forward to?¬†Our baby moon this weekend – we are camping in one of my favourite places. It is also the Clarens Craft Beer Festival, which B will very much enjoy. Unfortunately none of our friends are able to join us. This is our third year going and we love the atmosphere. I don’t normally drink beer, so for me it’s never been about the beer, but it is just a festive day and there is really good food. The location is amazing too. ¬†Photos from this site.

Clarens Golden Gate

I am also really looking forward to our 4D scan next week. And mostly looking forward to February being over, in hopes of having some cooler weather.

For those that are interested, I have posted a few photos in the preggy gallery, but I’m going to end with one more. This is B’s favourite photo of me so far – barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen!!

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Week 21 – 23 Update

Ok – so I am being awful at keeping this blog updated! I keep reading other people’s blog posts and never get round to posting my own update. Like someone else said, when you’ve been through what we have, it feels awkward just posting week on week that things are going well. I do acknowledge that things aren’t always peachy, but so far this pregnancy is actually going very well and I am enjoying it and really starting to get excited. It’s been a busy few weeks since my last post. I have had a few moments of doubts, but generally it’s not major issues. My psychologist still says I’m doing really well, and I do overall feel that I am. But having been through loss, and read the stories of other’s losses, I know that I won’t truly be completely free and easy with any pregnancy until I have my baby in my arms. With that said, here is the update for the last couple of weeks. I will post updated photos in the gallery later this week.

Baby is the size of a grapefruit or mango depending on the app.

courtesy of TheBump.com

courtesy of TheBump.com

How far along are you? I am 23 weeks and 1 day already, about 118 days to go still.

What’s happening with the baby?¬†We had a really awesome scan for our big anatomy scan just over 20 weeks. BSquirt’s spine is perfect – we even got a pic. Heather checked for cleft lip & palate so we got to see baby’s face – while she was looking at that baby put his/her hand up in front of their face. It was very cute. The brain, heart, bladder and kidneys are all looking good. Baby was measuring on track at between 2ow6d and 21w4d ¬†– averaged out to exactly correct, so my due date remains the same for now. BSquirt is very active, especially when I lie back on the couch in the evenings – Dad and Aunty Cam have both felt good kicks. I got a kick on the inside of my hip bone the other day which was a really weird feeling.

What’s happening with my body?¬†I am definitely showing now – No more mistaking this for too much food at Christmas anymore lol. I have ordered some maternity clothes online and expect them next week. I have started using the hairband trick to keep some of my pants on, since I don’t have that much of a flexible wardrobe yet. I did get two pairs of pyjama pants which are working quite well as maternity pants for now. Although the grey pair really looks a bit too casual for work. I have a lot of new skin tags and most of my moles are growing a lot – Dr P says this is all normal, but it is a bit weird. My finger nails are the longest and strongest they have ever been which is pretty cool! My chiropractor is seeing me every 3 weeks now rather than every 4 since I seem to be getting much more tense. I am also swimming a lot (well standing around in the pool), since it has been really hot and it is really comfortable to take the weight off my belly. My belly button and tattoo on my belly are getting rather stretched. The only reason I know my belly button is getting bigger is that I am now noticing the scar from my appendectomy.

Moments since the last post?¬†It has been a busy few weeks. My In-Laws were staying with us for 10 days around the time of my scan. It was lovely to see them and we have a really nice visit. While they were here we visited B’s Aunt and Uncle who live on the South Coast and that was a really lovely day. While there we went to the beach. B & I went to put our feet in the sea and a very large wave was approaching. We both turned to run, and he was in front of me. I managed to fall over and when he turned around after being told to help me all he did was laugh! It was a very funny moment, but that seemed to be the start of me falling over. I fell over walking to the shops during the week again and grazed my knee. While B’s parents were here his father helped us get started on our nursery and his mom sewed the new curtains for the nursery. I’m very excited to have a lot of these things started and it is now feeling very real. This weekend B & I painted the ceiling in the nursery. Yesterday we bought our pram – we had to change the original colour we liked, but we got a 10% discount on their sale which made me very happy.

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Miss anything?¬†Not really – pretty much the things I have been missing already. Sleeping late, taking good drugs, being able to sleep comfortably and some foods. Also I miss my parents. It was lovely having B’s folks here, but it really made me miss my folks a bit. When I sent my Mom the pic above she mentioned that she feels like she’s missing out on stuff, and it’s kinda true. We try to keep them updated, but it’s just not the same.

Movement? Oh Yeah! The flutters have now changed to definite movements, and B is able to feel them most evenings. BSquirt is definitely most active between 5 and 6am and in the evenings when we sit down for dinner Рaround 7pm for an hour or so.

Any weird Food issues? I am in love with frozen grapes. I eat a bunch almost every nights. I do find that when my brain decides I want something, that it really hangs on to that for ages. It took me almost 3 weeks before I finally found a place that did potstickers Рas it turned out it was our house when I bought them at the Chinese supermarket. I was so glad to finally get to eat them, I could let that craving settle down for a bit.

Gender?¬†I’ve had another dream that it was a boy, so now my gut changes from day to day. Most people close to me are saying boy. B and Aunty Cam are both adamant that it’s a boy. But I guess we’ll wait and see.

Looking forward to? Finishing the nursery Рwe need to finish painting the room, then get the guys in to sand and finish the floors, then we can start to put all the decor stuff in. It really is beginning to feel real now! Other things we have coming up in the next few weeks are my next appointment on 11 Feb and our 4D scan on 28 Feb which my sister (Aunty Cam) is coming to. In between there we are going for a weekend camping trip to the mountains Рit just happens to also be the weekend that the Craft Beer Fest is on, and is our 5 year anniversary of being together that weekend too. So there are lots of fun things to look forward to in the coming month or so.

Week 16 based on our New Dates

We had our 16 week scan with Dr P and baby has consistently measured 6 days ahead of my LMP, so we will now work on the new dates.

Baby is the size of an avocado. Perhaps tonight calls for guacamole?

avocado

How far along are you? New dates I am 16w3d. Revised due date is 24 May 2014

What’s happening with the baby?¬†Baby was in a ball with feet over head, so we didn’t get many good pics. Heather, the awesome sonographer, measured head circumference, waist circumference and femur length, and all of those were measuring about the same gestation. She said baby was “very good”. Baby’s eyes can now detect light, baby shows purposeful movement such as thumb sucking and is now “breathing” the amniotic fluid. Heather was happy with the fluid around baby and the state and location of my placenta. So everything is looking good.

What’s happening with my body?¬†I am starting to show a bit. Clothes are getting tight. Hubby and close friends can see a bump, but not many others yet. My nipples are itchy and definitely getting darker and larger. Sleep is still elusive! I fall sound asleep fairly early in the evenings, but I am awake early and very fidgety. This bugs B!

Moments since the last post?¬†It’s been an eventful week and a bit. Last week our country, and the world, lost Nelson Mandela. This has made for a very introspective time in SA. It was not a shock to me, nor was reading about the theories as to why it was announced when it was. Today is his memorial service in Johannesburg and reading about the service has been interesting. I believe that Madiba was an amazing man who brought about peaceful change in our country and was an incredibly significant man. It is amazing for me to have lived through his legacy in South Africa.

On Friday afternoon we discovered that our baby cat had been hit by a car sometime during the day. Tapioca was my baby and was the most affectionate cat I have ever had. He will be sorely missed in our household. Our domestic worker was so sad about it when I told her yesterday that she couldn’t work. He just had a way of going straight to anyone’s heart strings. This is my beautiful boy:

Tapioca 2 months old

Tapioca 2 months old

Tapioca Mommy's Boy

Tapioca Mommy’s Boy

We have had good moments this week though! We put up the last of our Christmas Decorations and I started wrapping presents for family and friends. I have also started to put together my Christmas box of goodies that I am sending my parents who are in Canada. I love Christmas and have really been enjoying all the Christmas music I want in our rental car, as it has a bluetooth radio and can play from my iPhone.

Miss anything?¬†Like Miss Rain said – I miss being able to take good drugs for pain. I’ve had a horrible spasm in my lower back that the chiro can’t work on because of the pregnancy. And I know two decent pills would help it release, but I can’t take them. Instead I do my best to stretch it out. I also miss not being the designated driver at EVERY function lately. And there are lots at this time of the year!

Movement?¬†Nothing for certain yet, Dr P says we could have a Christmas present and feel something for sure around then. Either way we should be feeling it soon. It’s been a tough couple of weeks since my nausea abated, and I haven’t really had any other concrete symptoms. It was a huge relief to see baby’s heartbeat this morning.

Any weird Food issues? I have a thing at the moment for take away chips Рparticularly from KFC and Steers. Both have these flavoured salts on them which I just love right now. And still loads of fruit. I ate a whole punnet of grapes for lunch today.

Gender? We aren’t going to find out, but the general consensus seems to be a boy. I haven’t got any of the obvious signs though – no linea nigera, or other body symptoms. We haven’t done any of the old wives methods yet either.

Looking forward to? Christmas – Our last one just the two of us. We aren’t seeing any family on the day except my sister possibly, for the first time since we’ve been dating! It’s going to be nice to just be the two of us and very relaxed. This weekend we are going to Joburg for B’s Mom’s 71st birthday celebrations. B and I splurged and booked a B&B rather than stay with friends again and I am really looking forward to that. This is where we are staying, in the black and gold Room 3. I’m not looking forward to the drive though.

And we are also looking forward to making it official on Facebook:

Facebook Announcement

12 Week Update

Friday was 12 weeks LMP. We had a super busy weekend so I’m only getting to posting now. I had the Pure Romance South African Convention in Johannesburg and so my hubby, sister and I drove up for 48 hours and drove back yesterday afternoon. Of the last 48 hours I’ve spent 13 in a car and 8 sitting at a table. It was a long weekend¬†but¬†very¬†motivating and inspirational. I’m glad I went. It was especially good to be there to see my¬†sister go on stage to receive her award for reaching a high level of achievement in Pure Romance. Here is a pic of us before the awards dinner.

Me, B and Aunty Cam

How far along are you? Today I am 12 weeks and 3 days.

What’s happening with the baby?¬†Baby has all the necessary parts and now is just growing. Reflexes are starting to develop, and baby is moving quite a bit. We saw that on the scan last week. Baby is the size of a plum and my uterus is the size of a small melon.

Total weight gain?¬†I don’t know, I haven’t weighed myself this week, but I am definitely starting to show and having a harder time sucking my belly in lol.

Maternity clothes? I bought a belly band last week and went shopping for a maternity bra, but didn’t get one yet. I was told to come back when my boobs were bigger. I did enjoy being confident enough to walk into a maternity clothing store, so that was a good move in the right direction.

Stretch marks? Nothing yet.

Sleep? I need more than I got this weekend. I’m still waking up early and a couple times a night to pee.

Best moment this week? I’ve had lots! I told work and my boss was more excited and happy for me than I was expecting him to be. The girls in the office are thrilled. We also got to tell quite a few friends who are all really excited. I went to a sale of the Hooligans clothing brand and got almost a whole wardrobe for the BSquirt at R25 an item ($2.50). Their clothes are just adorable! I also got a whole bunch of stuff for our friends’ kids for Christmas from the sale.

Miss anything? I really missed having a glass of red wine on Saturday Night at the formal dinner. And I didn’t enjoy being designated driver most of the weekend either. B met up with all his Jo’burg friends and had a fun time with the boys, so I did most of the driving up there. I also missed just being able to eat what I want – we went to a Farmers Market yesterday and there were all these lovely cheeses and cold meats and Eggs Benedict (which I love), that I felt not right eating. I miss just eating what I like when I want.

Movement? Nothing I can feel, but non-stop on the scan. Although Dr P said that I will probably feel movement earlier as I have a posterior placenta so that’s exciting.

Food cravings? Still mainly fruit and fruit juice. And I’m really loving salty foods.

Anything make you queasy or sick? I had a really bad bout of MS on Friday morning, but I hadn’t slept properly since 2am and it was probably because I was really hungry. As soon as I had eaten I felt a bit better.

Gender? My gut still says boy, but we aren’t going to find out.

Symptoms? My boobs really need to be in a bra. On Sat night I decided to wear a stick on bra so I could wear my dress one shouldered, within half an hour of getting to the function, they were aching. They are feeling a little achy and full again. Also starting to feel uncomfortable lying on my stomach. Otherwise nothing much has changed.

Belly button in or out? No change, but my belly is starting to stick out a bit, and you can feel my uterus starting to move up, there’s a firmness above my pubic bone.

Wedding/Engagement Rings on or off? Both still on.

Looking forward to?¬†A very lazy weekend at home next weekend, and just having a more relaxing week. I’m also looking forward to getting a bit more of my energy back soon.

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