A journey into Parenthood & dealing with loss

Archive for the ‘TTC’ Category

Two post in one day!

Wow, I’m quite proud of what I’ve done this evening.

I’ve made a large pot of vegetable full Spag Bol (spaghetti bolognese) for those who aren’t my husband. This will probably feed us about 4 times this month and will save me when I have a late night at work.
I’ve roasted a kilo of beetroots for various purposes – tomorrow they will be used for Meat Free Monday in a beetroot risotto. I’ll use the rest for salads and things for lunches.
We have made an oxtail potjie for dinner which we will probably eat during the week too. I learned how to make the dumplings for that today too!

So I’m excited about the week ahead for food. I’m prepared this week which should make a huge difference.


The week that was…

It’s been a very busy week. The first week of the month always has so much going on. Work was good and I accomplished quite a bit.

I had my first appointment with my new therapist. I like her. I’ve changed therapists as the one I went to previously I haven’t seen in almost 4 years and I just feel I’ve moved past the issues I dealt with, with her. And having not seen her since I don’t have continuity with her. The first session with the new therapist was good. A bit of crying, lots of talking and some visualisation exercises for the dark hours of the morning. Interestingly I haven’t woken up in the dark hours since the appointment. I’m still waking up earlier than I’d like, but it’s still after 6am which is pretty good.

She told me to not be so hard on myself, so we are being strict on the diet Monday to Friday, and allowing some leeway on weekends. B and I had an awesome date night on Friday, which was good. I even had a glass of wine with dinner. I think we will stick to no alcohol at home for now, but I think she’s right and I do need to let my hair down a bit and remember what we were like before we were TTC. Well I need to think a bit further back, just before we were TTC we were planning a wedding, and I’d rather not go back there! She also agrees that waiting this cycle out is the best thing. Hopefully she can help me get my head in the right space, and it will be good to have a bit of history with her before we do find out I’m pregnant again. It will be good to have someone to voice my concerns to.

This weekend (according to my app) would have been the best time for us to try, so we had to come up with a lot of distractions as we try and avoid doing the baby dance. We went to a plant fair yesterday and had a picnic for lunch. Why is it always that when you are specifically avoiding the baby dance you find each other so darn appealing? It’s been a weird weekend for that. We are looking forward to Tuesday when we are out of the high possibility days.

I have another appointment with the therapist and chiropractor this week. I also have an appointment with an eye specialist! I’m a bit nervous about that. I’ve had a niggly issue that I went to the optometrist about this past week, and she’s referred me to a specialist to have my retina checked. Hopefully it’s nothing major.

I’m hoping for a calmer week this week and time to focus on making delicious healthy options for meals this week. I really have to remember to pack my lunch on days I’m in the office!

First day on the healthier eating plan.

So today was day one on the new eating plan. I had to be up super early for a meeting so I did have a cup of instant coffee. But I only had the one! I drank 3 large glasses of water, which is better than normal, and I’m very proud of myself. I’ll work my way back up to 8.

For lunch I had one of the Asian pots from Woolies – Sesame Ginger Pork with Jasmine Rice. Very tasty! Dinner tonight I made stuffed butternut and grilled pineapple for dessert. It is meat free monday, so we were good this week.

Here is how to make the stuffed butternut for 2:
Preheat the oven to 180C
Cut one medium butternut in half length ways, scoop out the seeds and discard.
Place on a baking tray, cut side up.
Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with your selection of spices. I used nutmeg, cinnamon, ginger, coriander, cumin and cayenne pepper today, but it often changes. Nutmeg is the most important one.
Place in the oven for 30-40 minutes until the flesh is just cooked.
Remove from the oven and allow to cool slightly.
In a separate bowl mix together chopped herbs (I used basil tonight), feta, salt and pepper. Tonight I added chopped peppadews.
Scoop the flesh of the butternut into the herb and cheese mix and mix well.
Spoon the mixture back into the butternut skins and bake for a further 10 minutes.

The grilled pineapple was served with chopped pistachios and plain yoghurt.

We have decided to sit this month out in favour of getting out bodies into a healthier state. More news to follow soon.

What to do, what to do?

It’s been just over a month since my last, and third, miscarriage. I’m now trying to figure out what to do, what the next steps should be. We were expressly told to wait for once cycle to complete before trying again and so we did. I’m a few days into the new cycle. After the last miscarriage I decided that I could take a break from being healthy and compliant with pregnancy and pre-pregnancy diets and just let loose. I had a couple nights of drinking more wine than I should, I ate sushi and rare steaks, and various other things that I love and shouldn’t have while I’m pregnant/trying to conceive (TTC).

Last night was my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary. It would have been when we did a big announcement of our pregnancy as I would have been 12 weeks and 5 days. Instead I had to deal with my BIL telling us to hurry up and practice more, and other comments about us having kids. It was a tough-ish evening, but I think I handled it gracefully and did ok. In my mind I had set today as the last day for this lack of restraint, and from tomorrow we would be back to a stricter, healthier diet for B (my hubby) and I. So here I sit with probably my last glass of wine for a while trying to figure out what to do.

Medical expenses in South Africa are very high. We are on Medical Aid but we have already been burned by them this year when they refused to pay for my emergency appendectomy as we opted for a laparascopic procedure since the doctor advised we do that, especially if we were TTC any time soon. So we had to fork out R15 000 for that. We have now just signed up for gap cover which is an insurance policy that would cover most shortfalls between the Medical Aid cover and what the hospital/doctors/specialists charge. However – Pregnancy or childbirth have a 12 month waiting period. I appear to get pregnant quite quickly, usually within 2 or 3 months of us trying. That could be a problem as we would have a lot of out of pocket expenses. We have some money set aside, so we it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but if we are going to pay this gap cover premium every month, it would be good if it actually covered what we needed it for. I’d also like it to cover the additional tests and things that I might be having since I am now officially a member of the Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (RPL) group. Not a group I ever really wanted to be in!

So here I am trying to figure out what to do. From tomorrow there will be no more alcohol brought into the house. B can order when we are out for dinner or when he is somewhere else (not very often), but there will be no drinking at home for either of us until my Big Fat Positive (BFP). I won’t be drinking alcohol at all from tomorrow (hence me enjoying my last glass of red wine right now). I’m probably going to cut out coffee altogether too, but I might take this week to wean off that. I only have one or two cups a day, but I’ll wean to decaf and then stop. There will be no more sugar from tomorrow – we have Xylitol for our cereal, and don’t really use it anywhere else. I’ll be cutting down on creamy sauces and our favourite aged cheeses. We will be upping our fresh vegetables and only eating lean meats, and cutting back on pastas & potatoes. Also reducing our wheat – especially the artisan breads we are very fond of. We will hopefully be starting our workouts again, otherwise I will be starting to walk daily around my neighbourhood three times a week at least. I need to write these things here so that I am accountable for my goals. I need to try my best to get my BMI down a bit lower.

I am going to continue with my chiropractor appointments. He has said that I have improved immensely since my first appointment. I thank the amazing blog community that I have come into contact with over the last 10 days. Reading the stories of other women who have struggled through similar things has really helped me. Reading about the paths that women have taken, and the options they have considered have helped me to figure out what I want. Sharing my story in the comments on their blogs has also helped me release some of my pent up feelings which has been really good for me.

As far as my Gynea (Dr P) is concerned I must just try again. Once I’m pregnant he will put me on progesterone. I am currently on folic acid supplement and baby aspirin. I will be taking these more religiously from tomorrow too! We do still want to have B tested, which is  probably one of the only usual tests that we haven’t done yet. I did however realise that I don’t actually know what all the tests are that my doctor has run. All I know is that there is nothing in the tests to suggest a reason for my recurrent losses. I’ve had my progesterone levels checked and I am ovulating (but we know that since I do fall pregnant), I don’t have a thyroid problem, my sugar levels were slightly raised and that was treated over 6 months but have improved, I have no serious antibodies floating around, and I’m not carrying any viruses that could be causing the issues. I don’t know what other tests were run, I will find out when I next have an appointment.

I read a while ago that when you are TTC that you should choose one of the methods (timing, cervical mucous (CM), basal body temperature (BBT), ovulation prediction tests (OPT)) and stick with that. We decided on timing. It’s worked ok for us – I’ve fallen pregnant 3 times in the past 10 months using this method, so I think we will stick with this. The million dollar question is – do we try for a BFP this cycle? Or wait a couple more months until we’ve tested B and my body is in a better place physically? I guess it’s something we will have to decide on before next weekend (my app says I’m going to be most receptive next weekend).

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