A journey into Parenthood & dealing with loss

Archive for the ‘fun’ Category

To ALL Mothers everywhere!

I’ve accepted that I am not very good at keeping this blog updated, but I’m sure the time will come when I will be better at it again.

I came across this today on a group I am in on Facebook. It really resonated with me. I’m just going to leave that here for everyone to read. Especially tomorrow when it can be such a difficult day for so many of the women mentioned in this.

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you
To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you
To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you
To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you
To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you
To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience
To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
To those who have aborted children – we remember them and you on this day
To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be
To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths
To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you
To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you
This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

(By Amy Young)



The past 6 months

I can’t believe how bad I am at blogging! Kyle will be 6 months old next week, so clearly I have been very very busy.

Watch me grow

Watch me grow

Life with a baby is so different, than it was before. Even having au paired and nannied for 4 years, hasn’t prepared me for what life is like when the child is yours full time. I absolutely love it, but we have had our fair share of challenges.

  • Kyle is a sensory seeker, also known as FOMO. He has been since he was born. He is always alert, and following everything that is going on. He hates to be left alone and is very easily distracted from feeding and being put to sleep.
  • Until about a week ago, it was almost impossible to get Kyle to sleep without swaddling his arms. In the Durban heat this has proven difficult, as he was waking up from being too hot! Last weekend we made the first attempt to let him sleep unswaddled, and it worked.
  • Breastfeeding was not as easy as I had expected. Kyle was not a natural, and still chooses a relatively narrow latch. Pumping when I started work was even harder for me. At 4 months we switched to formula during the day when I am at work. I was surprised at how big a deal that decision was for me. Now that it’s made though, I am enjoying my moments of breastfeeding him even more. The tension and stress of leaving enough expressed breast milk is gone. He also now gets a bottle of formula at bed time, which means Daddy gets to really share in the bedtime routine.
  • Kyle hates the car! HATES it! I have never known a child who screams so much when in the car. It’s really only in the last few weeks that he is getting more tolerant of short trips. In the beginning, the moment the straps of the car seat came down, he would start screaming. We once had him scream for almost an hour while we were driving. Car trips were torture for me.
  • Kyle only recently decided to take a dummy. This has been helping with car trips a bit. He only has a dummy during car trips and when going to sleep.
  • Day sleeps are a bit of a problem! During the work week he sleDaddy wearing Kyleeps on his nanny’s back in the carrier. This means that on weekends, the only place he will sleep is in the carrier with us. And not if we are sitting or standing still. We have burst 3 exercise balls already, while bouncing our little boy to sleep! His aunty on the other hand manages to get him to sleep in his cot – so I have no idea what we are doing wrong.
  • We are using cloth nappies on Kyle. The challenge with this is that I have become rather addicted to them, and the child now has enough nappies to last 2 weeks without a wash. And I still can’t stop buying them. They are just so adorable!IMG_2723

Week 9 – 10 Update & Some pics of my holiday

According to my apps, baby is the size of a prune or a green olive. Someone somewhere must grow really big green olives!


How far along are you? Today I am 10 weeks and 2 days.

What’s happening with the baby? Baby is now termed a foetus!

Total weight gain? Weirdly I’ve lost more weight, down 0.7 kg – I’m not sure how that’s possible with having eaten at restaurants most of our week’s holiday.

Maternity clothes? Nothing new, although I’ve found a few new Durban websites for buying them.

Stretch marks? Nothing new

Sleep? Full of really intense dreams. I’m also waking up a lot to pee., but otherwise not too bad.

Best moment this week? Seeing the most adorable baby rhino on our holiday. The video is below.

Miss anything? A big glass of red wine after a particularly irritating day on our return from holiday.

Movement? Nope

Food cravings? Still lots of fruit and fruit juice.

Anything make you queasy or sick? Being hungry seems to be the biggest trigger. Also when I smelled the fishy smells on holiday after we had eaten.

Gender? Not going to find out.

Symptoms? Aside from weird dreams and being nauseous when hungry, most other symptoms seemed to have dissipated.

Belly button in or out? No change.

Wedding/Engagement Rings on or off? All still on.

Looking forward to? Our appointment for our big scan on the 12th – only 9 days away.

B and I had the most amazing week away. We stayed in a self catering apartment in the town of St Lucia, South Africa. Our weather wasn’t the best, but we had two really beautiful days. We went to the Hluhluwe-iMfolozi game reserve on the day that was supposed to clear up and it rained the whole time we were there! We did see some elephants and more than 10 rhino which was really good. This is one of the oldest game reserves in South Africa, and also the place where the entire population of rhino left in South Africa were bred from. When the park was declared there were only about 20 left in the wild, and this park has since increased the numbers and exported rhino to most of the national parks in South Africa.

The next day we had the beautiful weather and we spent the day in the iSimangaliso Wetland Park which is a world heritage site. The video above was taken there. We saw other general game, as well as spotting whales far out at sea, which was pretty awesome. The weather turned in the afternoon as we got to the swimming beach, so we didn’t really get much time there. We did however dip our feet in the sea.

The rest of the week was spent relaxing, building Meccano that I got B for his birthday, eating out and just generally enjoying not being at work. It was a lovely relaxing week and exactly what we needed.

Here are some other pics from our trip:

B & I on the beach

This was home for a week.

This was home for a week.

Crocs at the Crocodile Centre

The famous sign at the croc centre

He blocked the road for more than 25 minutes.

He blocked the road for more than 25 minutes.

A pod of hippos

A pod of hippos

Mission Rocks Panorama




Spreading a little Sunshine


I’ve been nominated for a Sunshine Award by My Hope Jar. I really appreciate the nomination. I keep seeing the other blogs posting various awards, and I wasn’t sure if I would have the chance to get one. I’m really appreciative that I do have a chance to share the sunshine. Considering the dark place I was in a few months ago, I am amazed that I qualify for spreading a little joy. I am thrilled that I am able to give some hope to others through my posting. And I appreciate all the encouragement and community that I have received through these blogs.

How the Sunshine Award Works:

  • Include the Sunshine Award icon in your post
  • Link the blogger who nominated you
  • Answer 10 questions about yourself
  • Nominate 10 other bloggers to receive the award
  • Link to your nominees and let them know you nominated them

My Hope Jar’s Questions and my Answers:

1.  Why do you blog?

I actually have three blogs – two that are related to businesses I started and this one. First there was My Recipe Hampers – which was a business concept that I started and developed through the first six months of this year. I used the blog to try and spread the word about my business and what I did. I had some good things happen, but the concept just didn’t take off. I admit I have not been on the blog in a long time. Second was Pure Romance by Bianca J – this was a blog about my journey in becoming a Pure Romance consultant. I used this blog more to look at the process that I was going through as well as to use it as a bit of a marketing tool. This blog also has been neglected for a while.

I started this blog in June when I suspected I was pregnant with my third pregnancy in under a year. I had lost a pregnancy at 7 week late last year, and then had a possible chemical pregnancy in April. Each pregnancy got harder to deal with as I had always thought it would be the easiest thing to do. I lost that pregnancy in late July and so really began to use the blog to deal with my emotions. I had kept everything very much inside over the last few months and really only my husband – B, knew what was going on. I decided to be public about my loss and found that that was a good way to deal with it and for my family and friends to know what was going on. About 7 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant again – which was both scary and exciting at the same time. I am now using this blog to share my pregnancy – fears and all – with others. I have found this community to be the best thing I have ever experienced in helping me deal with all the very complicated feelings that come with being pregnant after 3 losses.

So that is why I blog!

2.  What is your favourite movie?

I love movies. Moulin Rouge is still the first one that comes to mind as my favourite. I also love Chocolat. But I will pretty much watch anything as long as it’s not a horror or cheesy slapstick.

3.  What is your favourite food?

My comfort food is Macaroni & Cheese – but not the packet kind. I make a delicious baked Mac & Cheese. I love most Italian food and B & I really enjoy Mexican cuisine too. I’m a self confessed foodie, so there is not much I haven’t tried.  And we are always looking for new and interesting restaurants to explore, or recipes to try. With the pregnancy I am completely obsessed with fresh and dried fruit. I eat a dried fruit stick almost every day and can’t get enough of pineapple with is currently in season.

4.  What is your favourite thing or memory about your spouse?

I knew B was the one on our first date! We had met online and for our first date we went to a very nice restaurant. I have never in my life giggled as much as I did with him that night. The fondest memory of that night is that we somehow got onto the topic of Naked Lawn Curling (we don’t remember either – but we laugh about it often now still). That joy and laughter has stuck with us the whole 5 years that we have been together. We laugh and giggle a lot. And best of all!! He loves Christmas as much as I do!

5.  What do you do to relieve stress?

That’s a really interesting question – I really don’t know. I love to be near water – usually looking at the sea. I always find that very calming. I find as well that I need to be distracted in order to quiet my mind, and so I find watching fairly mindless tv quite relaxing too – discovery channel shows, documentaries, things I don’t need to concentrate on to follow. And chocolate always helps (especially now that I can’t have a big glass of red wine anymore). To relieve long term stress though there is nothing quite like a holiday in the South African bush to recharge your system. B & I have just got back from a week in the bush and the difference is wonderful.

6.  Who or what inspires you?

The women in this community of bloggers inspire me. I am always amazed at the strength and caring that is shown. I have a friend, Jaune, who inspires me too. She has been through years of infertility and pregnancy loss and yet is still so incredibly excited to share my journey with me, and that is inspiring for me. I am inspired by women who surrounded me when I was younger, who have given me insights into what good parenting looks like, and I hope one day that I will be able to inspire others in the way that they inspired me. Lastly I am inspired by my mother, who at the age of 62 has started a new job, in a country far from home literally and figuratively, and continues to amaze me with what she is capable of.

7.  What is your biggest fear?

My biggest fear used to be going blind. Now I fear that I will never be a mother. Pregnancy loss is a cruel mistress – even when things begin to go right, there is this fear that sits in the pit of your stomach for ever and ever.

8.  What is your biggest dream?

My biggest dream is to have the big happy family that I have always wanted. For B & I to build our dream home in the Natal Midlands and live a self sufficient life that teaches our kids to be kind to the environment, to grow up knowing where their food comes from, to grow up with a connection to the earth and to have the freedom to be kids in the same sense that we did growing up.

9.  What is your best piece of advice?

My favourite quote is from Reba McEntire:


I really feel that this quote is the best advice anyone can give. You need to be able to dream. You need to be able to stand up for yourself when it’s necessary, and also to be able to stand up for what you believe in. And lastly you need to be able to see the funny side of things.

Another quote I love is the song from Cars  – Behind the Clouds. The words go: Behind the clouds, the sun is shining, even though you can’t quite make it out. You may not see, the silver lining, but there’s a big blue sky waiting right behind the clouds. That song got me through quite a few dark moments.

10.  What are you most proud of?

I’m most proud of the kids that I helped raise briefly when I was an au pair/nanny in the USA. Em & Will are 19 now and in college, I was their au pair when they were 5 and went back as their nanny when they were 10. It is lovely for me to see kids that have achieved so much and are growing into such wonderful people. Lee, Mimi & Sammy are the other kids I nannied and it is so good to watch them grow up and be the amazing kids they are too. I’m convinced that one day Sammy will be famous and I’ll be able to say that I changed her diapers LOL :). I may not have my own kids to raise quite yet, but I know that I have had an effect on other people’s kids and that they are better for having had me in their lives. I truly hope that a year from now I will be able to say that I am most proud of my own child!

My Nominees:

Each of my nominees have reason for why I have nominated them. I have learned something from their blog, I have found comfort in their words to me, I have shared something of their pain and anguish. I hope that through this award they will be able to write something that lifts their spirits just a little bit.

The Adventures of Fanny P

A Calm Persistence

Project Sweet Pea

A Hundred Affections



The Rain Came Down

Baby Maybe

Mama, Interrupted

Whispers of a Barefoot Medical Student – this isn’t a blog from within the infertility and pregnancy loss arena, but I have found her blog truly inspiring and feel that this award would be good for her too.

My Questions for you:

  1. How long have you been blogging, and why did you start?
  2. What advice would you give your 13 year old self?
  3. Where is the best place you have travelled to and why was it so good?
  4. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live and why?
  5. Are you a cat or dog person? Or something else or neither?
  6. What is the one book your think every person should read?
  7. What was your favourite subject at school – have you used it in your career/adult life?
  8. What is your favourite time of the year?
  9. What is your “Happy Song” and what is the memory that makes it that?
  10. What food do you love as an adult that you hated as a child? What changed?

I am so looking forward to reading your answers and to finding out a little more about each and every one of you.



My IFPumpkinSmackdown entrance



I’m posting on my phone and can’t edit well.

There is my entrant to the competition. There is one from before the candle, and one with the candle in.

Not bad for a South African in the bush in spring!

Barren Betty and Fertility Doll are running the competition and I hope they see my entry in time!

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