A journey into Parenthood & dealing with loss

Archive for October, 2013

My IFPumpkinSmackdown entrance



I’m posting on my phone and can’t edit well.

There is my entrant to the competition. There is one from before the candle, and one with the candle in.

Not bad for a South African in the bush in spring!

Barren Betty and Fertility Doll are running the competition and I hope they see my entry in time!


9 week update-ish

My hubby’s birthday was yesterday when I was 9 weeks. We have gone away for a relaxing week in St Lucia Estuary, KwaZulu Natal, South Africa.

Everything is good with the pregnancy, actually almost nothing has changed since last week.

I will post a detailed update next weekend when we are back on wifi.

I hope everyone has a good week. I will still try and post my entry into IFPumpkinSmackdown if I manage to find a suitable pumpkin or satisfactory substitute.

Pumpkin competition

As a South African, in Spring, with barely a pumpkin around, I’m going to try and do this while I am on holiday in St Lucia next week. Anyone else going to join the ranks of foreigners joining in this competition? See more about who’s entering here:http://fertilitydoll.wordpress.com/2013/10/18/pumpkins-infertiles-and-cackles/


Ok, so me and Fertility Doll were chatting about periods and infertility and smashing in doors and stuff when all of a sudden Fertility Doll said:

FD: What are you doing for Halloween? Are you carving a pumpkin?

BB: No. I’m not doing anything. I’m going to close my curtains, switch all the lights off and pretend I’m not home like I normally do.

FD: Why am I not surprised?

BB: Because you are an all-knowing magical being what knows everything?

FD: Correct. Anyways, maybe you should carve a pumpkin. It might be fun, and maybe it will distract you from smashing up doors?


FD: Umm, okay. I thought it’d just be fun though?


FD: Okay, I’ll have a look on pinterest for ideas.

BB: Cheat.

FD: For goodness sake woman, you…

View original post 312 more words

8 week update

Friday was eight weeks since my LMP. According to my apps, baby is the size of a raspberry or Jelly Bean. 

jellybean_1  RASPBERRIES AR

According to my ultrasound this week baby is 16.8 mm (or was on Wednesday). Something I read suggested that baby is growing about a millimetre a day at the moment, so by today would be around 21 mm! 

How far along are you? I am 8 weeks and 2 days today. This is a big day for me. This time last pregnancy was when my miscarriage started. So tomorrow I am the furtherest along that I have been pregnant in the last year. 

What’s happening with the baby? Arm and leg buds start to form, the neural tube is closing and tastebuds are beginning to form already!

Total weight gain? I weighed in the same as last week. 

Maternity clothes? Nothing new. I did go and look at Woolworths, which is one of my favourite clothing stores, but discovered that the biggest one in my city only has one rack of maternity clothes – all pants! That was a bit disappointing. I will have to contiune looking around to find where to get affordable options. I liked some of the suggestions I got through my Bump app in this article

Stretch marks? Nothing new. I’m using Save my Skin from Pure Romance when I remember to try and keep my skin a little flexible. Both my sister and I are Pure Romance consultants. I have a blog about becoming a consultant here, but I’ve been very lax at updating it. 

Sleep? Not so great this week. I’ve been awake early almost every day. Between the need to pee and the very vivid dreams I haven’t been sleeping very well. I dreamed this week that I was in a competition to undress guys without using my hands – don’t ask – it was really weird! 

Best moment this week? Obviously seeing and hearing the baby’s heart beat at our appointment with Dr P on Wednesday. Second best moment was when he said when we were walking out that there was nothing that was niggling at him and he really felt everything was exactly where it was supposed to be at this point. My cousin gave birth to her third child on Wednesday afternoon and B said he though that was a sign. Happy coincidence of welcoming a new family member and us seeing a heartbeat on the same day?

Miss anything? Smoked Salmon! I went to breakfast meeting on Friday morning and they had smoked salmon & scrambled eggs to put on croissants. I’ve never been a scrambled egg fan (especially in hotels and other institutions), but I absolutely love smoked salmon. Unfortunately I knew in my head not to eat it, but my stomach wasn’t interested either which was disappointing. I also miss sex. I feel bad for B that I’m not interested right now – I know part of it is concern for the pregnancy, and part of it is a true lack of libido. But I’m not feeling like a very good wife right now!

Movement? Nothing to report in this department. Although apparently the foetus is moving already. 

Food cravings? Nothing weird this week. I am drinking loads of Milo in the afternoons. 

Anything make you queasy or sick? Nothing in particular, although I’m even more anti-smoking now than ever. 

Gender? We will probably not find out. 

Symptoms? Weirdly this week they all seem to have dropped in intensity. I have moments of tenderness in my boobs, especially with the weird change in temperatures we’ve had this week. I haven’t noticed much queasiness, and my skin is less icky than it was last week. My digestive tract is still on a major go slow. Otherwise just the frequent peeing and the weird dreams have remained about the same as the last few weeks. 

Belly button in or out? Not expecting much of a change here until a few months from now. 

Wedding/Engagement Rings on or off? All the same here too. 

Looking forward to? We go on holiday on Friday for a week. I’m really looking forward to having some quiet time in the bush. Also my parent’s visas have finally been approved and the leave for Canada the week after next. I know that sounds weird to say I’m looking forward to that, but they have been in limbo for so long, that I think it’s going to improve everyone’s lives a little bit. It’ll be good for B and I to finally feel like the house is ours. I will definitely miss my folks, but we will stay in touch with them via Skype regularly. 

I’ve decided that this is a book I really want for this pregnancy. I have always loved Dr Seuss! Click the pic to be taken to the Amazon page where you can read an excerpt. 

Oh Baby!

First Antenatal Appointment Ever!

Today was my first doctor’s appointment with Dr P for this pregnancy. It was also my first antenatal appointment ever! With my previous pregnancies I only ever got to the doctor after the miscarriages had already happened. Today was a lot of firsts!

First time seeing an embryo in my uterus! Measuring 16.8 mm from head to rump. Good yolk sack visible with a clear foetal pole. There is good thickening around the placenta. The pregnancy has implanted quite high in the uterus. There is lots of fluid in all the right places. Dr P said that everything looks exactly how he’d like it to look at this stage.

First time seeing and hearing my baby’s heart beat! 170 pbm. Dr P said it was right where he wanted it to be.

First pictures of BSquirt. Here is the first pic, there is another in the gallery.

BSquirt First Photo

First appointment that B came with me to the doctor. I think he was as emotional as I was when we heard the heartbeat.

I must admit that the nerves had started to get to me yesterday already. Suddenly it crossed my mind, that as positive as I had been about this whole experience so far, I wasn’t out of the woods, and had no idea what today might actually hold. The worried thoughts started to go through my mind – What if there was no foetal pole? What if it was a blighted ovum? What if there was nothing there? What if I started spotting last night – would it all be over before the appointment again? What if there was something terribly wrong when he looked today?

I did not have a very good night’s sleep. It didn’t help that there were other issues in our family that were on my mind too. It boiled down to me being awake from 4am this morning with thoughts racing through my mind. At 6am B woke up and told me to just relax. Way easier said than done.

Thankfully my job is very varied, so I could find a fairly mindless task to help me get the time to pass. I wrapped Christmas presents all morning for one of my clients. I still have more to do, but it definitely helped the time pass. By the time I left my office to fetch B I was a bundle of nerves! I downed my bottle of water in order to ensure a full bladder and we headed to the hospital where Dr P is based. We were super early as usual. I do love that about B – he doesn’t mind that I always like to be on time, but preferably early for appointments. We sat and waited, and I waited for all the water to reach my bladder, which it did, about 10 minutes before we finally saw the doctor. Why do they always want pregnant women to have a full bladder for these things? It’s really hard concentrating on other stuff when you are trying so hard not to pee your pants!

We went through to the room and I changed into a gown. Dr P checked my eyes, my heart and lungs and my blood pressure. He was happy with all of that. Then he turned to the ultrasound. Up until this point B was sitting quietly in the corner. He then tried to find a place where he could also see the screen. This is South Africa – there are no ginormous flat screens on the wall for us – we all shared the ultrasound machine’s screen. Dr P invited B to stand right next to him so he could get a clear view. It was awesome. As soon as he started, I began to feel my heart race – I was so worried that something was going to be wrong. Dr P takes a moment to explain where all the parts of your body are, which was actually quite nice – showed my bladder which was full, my cervix, vagina and then – there it was! You could definitely see something was there. He then proceeded to go through all the things he was checking and letting us know what we were looking at. He then showed us the heart beat and flicked a switch which let us hear it! That was the point that I teared up, and I’m almost certain B did too!

What an amazing moment! I can’t describe all the emotions that were going through my mind!

Dr P is very cautious – it’s one of the things I like about him. He’s also very factual, which both B and I really like. We talked about the schedule for the next few months, in particular about the next appointment which is 12 Nov. This will be my detailed 12 week scan and blood work for chromosome tests. He discussed the options and what he recommends. As we were leaving, I think he could see that I was still a little apprehensive about everything and he said the best thing he could have: “At this point there is nothing that I am even a little bit worried about. Everything looks exactly as we’d like it to look at this point. We aren’t completely out of the woods yet, but there is nothing niggling at me. This is a good pregnancy.”

I feel like we can go out tonight for dinner and really celebrate this milestone.

I’m still going to be cautious and take things one step at a time, but I really am feeling 100 times better than I was yesterday this time!

I got an album as I was paying which says “Baby Scan Album”, it’s quite something to have two pics in it already. I really am feeling like this is real now.

Here’s hoping for an uneventful 4 weeks until my next appointment!

7 week Update

Yesterday was seven weeks since my LMP. According to my apps, baby is the size of a blueberry.


For those that would like to see, this week’s photo is in the gallery above.

How far along are you? 7 weeks 1 day today.

What’s happening with the baby? Hands and feet are developing, as well as ears. A tail is still visible.

Total weight gain? I’ve dropped 1.1kg and am only 0.8kgs above my starting weight. I only weigh myself on Friday mornings.

Maternity clothes? Not yet, although I was going through my vacuum bags to get out my summer pjs, and decided to take out my fat pants too. That way I have them for a few months time. So I have one pair of black work pants and two pairs of jeans that will fit me for a good few months once the weight/change in shape starts.

Stretch marks? Nothing new

Sleep? I’m waking up a lot to pee, but am managing to go back to sleep pretty quickly. I’m usually in bed by about 9pm and fall asleep very quickly (so quickly that my hubby actually texted me something he found while reading in bed, as I was already fast asleep!). I’m awake between 5 and 5.30am pretty much every morning, but my therapist has said that’s fine since I’m definitely getting enough sleep. I do find around 3.30pm I’m getting very tired already though. I haven’t really managed any naps this week.

Best moment this week? I’ve been reading Chicken Soup for the Expectant Mother’s Soul – what an amazing book. My mother took it out of the library for me, and I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it. I’ve always thought they were full of Christian ideals, Bible verses and that sort of stuff. Turns out it’s actually just real life stories from people about their children. What I truly love is how inclusive the stories are – these are not just stories for new, naive moms. There are stories about IVF, adoption, RPL, stories from the man’s point of view and all sorts. I have really enjoyed reading the book and find myself laughing out loud, and crying at different moments. I really highly recommend this book to any mother who is expecting – be it pregnant, adopting, or any other way of becoming a Mom.

B sent me a text message during the week: “I so want to scream to the world that my angel pie is spawning”. That really made me smile.

Also my Mom and I went shopping at a fabric store yesterday and she bought a whole bunch of fabrics to start decorating the nursery. It’s mostly just fabrics to cover scatter cushions. She is also recovering the rocking chair cushions. This is the same rocking chair that she had when I was a baby, so it’s a very cherished item for my nursery.

Miss anything? This week I am missing wine, and fancy cheese. I love Brie usually – but dairy still isn’t my friend, and I know it’s one of the ones to avoid.


Movement? Not supposed to feel anything yet.

Food cravings? I can’t stop eating. Eating seems to help the queasiness. I had two bouts of real nausea this week – one in the shower which lasted a while and when I was brushing my teeth was finding it hard to keep everything down. The other was when I was getting really hungry and water wasn’t even helping. I am taking a whole lunch box of snacks to work with me on office days, and find myself eating all the time. Colleagues have started commenting on how there’s always paper rustling near my desk. I am keeping fruit sticks, nuts & seed bars and those sorts of things around, but I am pretty much open to eating anything someone offers me. I normally HATE digestive biscuits, but the other day someone offered me one and I happily accepted and ate it. AND I enjoyed it. I can finish off a bag of crisps in a matter of minutes – hubby now brings them to me in a bowl.

Anything make you queasy or sick? Still not able to handle milk, although I’m ok with yoghurt later in the day. The smell of chlorine turns my stomach (we have a pool so this is quite a common smell at our house). South Africa has the highest concentration of swimming pools per household in the world! We have a dedicated aisle in the grocery shops for pool stuff – I can’t walk down that aisle at the moment.

Gender? According to some of the old wives tales Miss Fanny P posted, it’s possibly a boy. Right breast is definitely bigger than the left.

Symptoms? Incessant trips to the loo. Very short temper. Tender breast, but not as bad as they were a few weeks ago. Queasiness, but it comes and goes. Slow digestive track resulting in gas at both ends A LOT.

Belly button in or out? No change.

Wedding/Engagement Rings on or off? No change.

Looking forward to? Wednesday is our first appointment with Dr P. I am looking forward to actually having a scan while I am pregnant and seeing something there for real. That’s really pretty much all I can focus on right now.

I’m hoping to have a good week, and also hoping that some of the symptoms of Progesterone Poisoning get stronger, as I know that will make me feel a bit better about everything.

Our Milestones for the next few months

As I said in my 6 Week Update – here is a list of the milestones that we are going to set for ourselves for each step of the way.

Heartbeat (We have never seen a heartbeat before. All my previous appointments have happened after my miscarriages)

Celebratory Dinner
Buy first Baby Outfit together.
9 Weeks – This would be the furtherest we’ve gone (hence no 8 weeks)
Brian’s Birthday – We’ve already booked a holiday and will spend a week in a lovely secluded spot on the KZN North Coast and will do a few days of leisurely wild life viewing in St Lucia and Hluhluwe-Umfolozi. It’s going to heaven!
12 Weeks (15 Nov 2013)
Family & Close friends announcement – those that don’t already know, these are the people that we will tell in person. 
I Start Pregnancy Yoga
14 Weeks (29 Nov 2013)
Facebook Announcement
Register and find out about child birth classes
Meet with my friend who is a Hypnobirth coach.
16 Weeks (13 Dec 2013)
Start decorating Baby’s Room
We need to paint, possibly take up the carpet and order our wall decal. Also need to figure out what to do for curtains etc.
This is our inspiration for the nursery. You can see other inspiration pics on my Houzz Ideabook.
Nursery Inspiration
17 Weeks (20 Dec 2013)
Buy Xmas Decoration for the baby
Every year B & I get Christmas decorations for each other – this year we will pick out a special one for the baby too.
20 Weeks (10 Jan 2014)
Buy Pram & Car Seat (January Sales?) We love the Mamas & Papas Sola Range – B wants it Lime Jelly as below.
Sola Lime
24 Weeks (7 Feb 2014)
Buy Cot
Have a Romantic Weekend Away
Baby’s room to be completed.
28 Weeks (7 Mar 2014)
Register for Baby Shower
Schedule Maternity Photo Shoot
Book Maternity Ward
32 Weeks (4 Apr 2014)
Practice Hospital Run (and time it).
Buy Baby Keepsake Book/App.
Install Baby Car Seat.
Order Nappies
34 Weeks (18 April 2014)
Baby Shower around this time
Pack the hospital bags
36 Weeks (2 May 2014)
We are still thinking about what sort of things to come up with for the last couple of months – any suggestions in the comments are welcome.
40 Weeks (30 May 2014)


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