A journey into Parenthood & dealing with loss

What to do, what to do?

It’s been just over a month since my last, and third, miscarriage. I’m now trying to figure out what to do, what the next steps should be. We were expressly told to wait for once cycle to complete before trying again and so we did. I’m a few days into the new cycle. After the last miscarriage I decided that I could take a break from being healthy and compliant with pregnancy and pre-pregnancy diets and just let loose. I had a couple nights of drinking more wine than I should, I ate sushi and rare steaks, and various other things that I love and shouldn’t have while I’m pregnant/trying to conceive (TTC).

Last night was my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary. It would have been when we did a big announcement of our pregnancy as I would have been 12 weeks and 5 days. Instead I had to deal with my BIL telling us to hurry up and practice more, and other comments about us having kids. It was a tough-ish evening, but I think I handled it gracefully and did ok. In my mind I had set today as the last day for this lack of restraint, and from tomorrow we would be back to a stricter, healthier diet for B (my hubby) and I. So here I sit with probably my last glass of wine for a while trying to figure out what to do.

Medical expenses in South Africa are very high. We are on Medical Aid but we have already been burned by them this year when they refused to pay for my emergency appendectomy as we opted for a laparascopic procedure since the doctor advised we do that, especially if we were TTC any time soon. So we had to fork out R15 000 for that. We have now just signed up for gap cover which is an insurance policy that would cover most shortfalls between the Medical Aid cover and what the hospital/doctors/specialists charge. However – Pregnancy or childbirth have a 12 month waiting period. I appear to get pregnant quite quickly, usually within 2 or 3 months of us trying. That could be a problem as we would have a lot of out of pocket expenses. We have some money set aside, so we it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but if we are going to pay this gap cover premium every month, it would be good if it actually covered what we needed it for. I’d also like it to cover the additional tests and things that I might be having since I am now officially a member of the Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (RPL) group. Not a group I ever really wanted to be in!

So here I am trying to figure out what to do. From tomorrow there will be no more alcohol brought into the house. B can order when we are out for dinner or when he is somewhere else (not very often), but there will be no drinking at home for either of us until my Big Fat Positive (BFP). I won’t be drinking alcohol at all from tomorrow (hence me enjoying my last glass of red wine right now). I’m probably going to cut out coffee altogether too, but I might take this week to wean off that. I only have one or two cups a day, but I’ll wean to decaf and then stop. There will be no more sugar from tomorrow – we have Xylitol for our cereal, and don’t really use it anywhere else. I’ll be cutting down on creamy sauces and our favourite aged cheeses. We will be upping our fresh vegetables and only eating lean meats, and cutting back on pastas & potatoes. Also reducing our wheat – especially the artisan breads we are very fond of. We will hopefully be starting our workouts again, otherwise I will be starting to walk daily around my neighbourhood three times a week at least. I need to write these things here so that I am accountable for my goals. I need to try my best to get my BMI down a bit lower.

I am going to continue with my chiropractor appointments. He has said that I have improved immensely since my first appointment. I thank the amazing blog community that I have come into contact with over the last 10 days. Reading the stories of other women who have struggled through similar things has really helped me. Reading about the paths that women have taken, and the options they have considered have helped me to figure out what I want. Sharing my story in the comments on their blogs has also helped me release some of my pent up feelings which has been really good for me.

As far as my Gynea (Dr P) is concerned I must just try again. Once I’m pregnant he will put me on progesterone. I am currently on folic acid supplement and baby aspirin. I will be taking these more religiously from tomorrow too! We do still want to have B tested, which is  probably one of the only usual tests that we haven’t done yet. I did however realise that I don’t actually know what all the tests are that my doctor has run. All I know is that there is nothing in the tests to suggest a reason for my recurrent losses. I’ve had my progesterone levels checked and I am ovulating (but we know that since I do fall pregnant), I don’t have a thyroid problem, my sugar levels were slightly raised and that was treated over 6 months but have improved, I have no serious antibodies floating around, and I’m not carrying any viruses that could be causing the issues. I don’t know what other tests were run, I will find out when I next have an appointment.

I read a while ago that when you are TTC that you should choose one of the methods (timing, cervical mucous (CM), basal body temperature (BBT), ovulation prediction tests (OPT)) and stick with that. We decided on timing. It’s worked ok for us – I’ve fallen pregnant 3 times in the past 10 months using this method, so I think we will stick with this. The million dollar question is – do we try for a BFP this cycle? Or wait a couple more months until we’ve tested B and my body is in a better place physically? I guess it’s something we will have to decide on before next weekend (my app says I’m going to be most receptive next weekend).

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Comments on: "What to do, what to do?" (6)

  1. Good luck, I hope things turn around for you from here :). One quick Q- is your doc putting you on progesterone after you get pregnant or after ovulation? Usually when progesterone is used for RPL, you take it 3-4 days after ovulation then continue it if you get pregnant (and stop if you don’t). My understanding is, if you wait until you have a positive, it might be too late for the benefit. Granted, there’s not a lot of scientific evidence for using progesterone at all, but if you’re going to do it, that’s usually how its used. Sorry if it’s none of my business to give you advice, just wanted to pay it forward since people have given me lots of great advice through my blog :).

    • It sounds like he wants me to wait until I have the BFP. I’m thinking I need to have a proper meeting with him and B to go through what my options are and what the best way forward is. I’ve learned so much about what to talk about with him from reading your and other’s blogs that I think he’s probably going to tell me I’m spending way too much time online. But I have to do what makes me feel better about all this!

      And thank you for your advice. It’s good to feel like I have lots of people helping me advocate for my needs!

  2. […] What to do, what to do? (thebsquirt.wordpress.com) […]

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