A journey into Parenthood & dealing with loss

Trying not to worry

I had a bit of a moment this morning! 

I haven’t been sleeping well for a while now. I’m pretty much awake from about 4am most mornings, and when I do drift back to sleep it is full of very weird dreams! So I decided I wanted to do another home pregnancy test so I did it when I got up to pee at 4am. I just wanted to see a bolder second line than I did when I tested last week. In the bad light, and early morning fog of my brain, it looked fainter than last week. So I climbed back into bed and cried, which woke DH up. He snuggled me and told me he loved me no matter what and he drifted back to sleep. I lay there tossing and turning and my mind just wandered.

When I got up this morning in the light it was clear that the line was bolder than last week. So clearly I just let the “darkest hours before dawn” get to me! Somehow I’m able to stay strong and positive during the day, but in those wee hours I just struggle!

I really wish that I would start having morning sickness, I just want a bit more confirmation from my body! My mom said that with me, she didn’t have any morning sickness at all so for her the pregnancy wasn’t really real until her clothes didn’t fit right. I think I would struggle with that because of my two previous miscarriages. I somehow need to feel more pregnant than I did with those.

I must admit that with the first one I felt pregnant and excited, and then I just had a feeling that things weren’t right. A day later I started bleeding. Right now I still feel pregnant and excited and even though I’m not experiencing many symptoms, I’m still pretty sure that everything is ok. Well at least now that the sun is up, that’s how I feel!
According to my Sprout App I’m 5 weeks and 5 days today.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

WAHM WorkSpace Blog

Where Moms Meet, Mingle and Market!

SA Cloth Directory

Cloth Addicts Unite!

Slowly treading water

My slighlty chaotic, anything-but-ordinary journey trying to be a wife, medical professional and still be me

Fragile Haven

A Fragile X carrier shares the ups and downs of TTC

Mothering three deaf daughters - my journey...

my experiences and daily life as a parent of deaf children

The Adventures of Fanny P.

...because life is just one big adventure...

Immotileturtle's Blog

Just another infertile rocking in a fertile world

lamenting the lentil

unexplained infertility, twin pregnancy, and me

desperateinthedesert

A journey from infertility to family and beyond

two solid lines

Life in search of two solid lines...Our journey to parenthood.

drinkrunyoga

Running, Mommyhood, and Awesomeness!

Decorex SA

Official blog of Decorex SA, South Africa's favourite home decor, design and lifestyle exhibition

Barefoot Whispers

Medical doctor, book-lover, aspirant adventurer

Midlands Musings

The love, life and words of a Midlands girl who cannot be put in a nutshell.

basilBLOGinc

This is a writing page to complement my photograph page on www.basilARTinc.com

The crooked path through IVF

Will I be missing motherhood entirely? It’s the only question that seems to weigh on my mind these days.

clothpot

instant urban greening

tiredoftryingtoconcieve

22 and TTC - London Living <3

mission: mini vogt

Our journey to create {and keep} a healthy baby.

%d bloggers like this: